I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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