take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
