Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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