Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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