i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
