Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
