Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
