i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
