as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
