I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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