Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Non-Jews are for practice
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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