Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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