if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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