this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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