So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He felt like a one man threesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
