How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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