i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just cropdusted the office
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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