btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
