she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
