I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
