In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
