You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
