I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
