My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
