Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize