I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why do cheetos always look like penises
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
