some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize