i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
