OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
