glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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