my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
