A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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