I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
