New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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