Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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