I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
