i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize