Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
