I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
