I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like eating out sand paper
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
