How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A+ Viking dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
