i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
