He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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