Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
