lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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