Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you had me at cake vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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