Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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