why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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