Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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