we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
