I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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