why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize