i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she looked like the before picture.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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