my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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