a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
