my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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