meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
