i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
