It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
