and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
