Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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