I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
