I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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