I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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