We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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