Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
