Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
