If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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