Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will be naked everywhere
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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