pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
