Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
